The After-Party at Chadwick's: A Tale of Two Skanks
It was Saturday evening, a cold and windy night around the nation's capital. The forecast was calling for the dreaded wintry mix after midnight, but judging from the lack of the traditional holiday crowd in the early evening in Old Town Alexandria, the financial crisis was likely more to blame for the little traffic we encountered.

The night began with a quick stop to pick up a coworker in Arlington before heading to Old Town. The event? My company's holiday party, consisting of a three hour tour of the Potomac on the Dandy riverboat. The disappointment of the evening came with just two free drink tickets; unlike two years ago on the Dandy, the remainder of the evening would be cash bar. (See previously mentioned global financial crisis.)

At 10, the boat docked and all were hurried to disembark. A small contingent of coworkers and their spouses, or spouses-to-be, opted to not call it an evening quite yet and decided on a few post-party drinks at Chadwick's. Why Chadwick's? I can't say for certain, other than it was bone-chillingly cold and the bar was but a block from the pier.

The bar was smoky - it is Virginia, after all - and the crowd largely engrossed in either their cigarettes or the smackdown that the Ravens were putting on the Cowboys.

The coworker we picked up on the way to the party graciously bought our drinks. Seemingly out of nowhere, between Earl and myself and the bar, appeared two women out together, smoking and if not drunk then fairly-well buzzed. Homely with teeth like the Welsh, they engaged us in conversation which began innocently enough but quickly evolved into an awkwardness I'd rather not relive if it were not for the humor Earl and I found in it by the end of the evening.

For simplicity's sake, I'll refer to the two drunken slobs as Skank 1 and Skank 2, and I'll spar us all by condensing some of the conversation between Skank 2 and Earl.

FADE IN:

INT. CHADWICK'S - NIGHT
A trendy bar on it's last leg, this is the kind of place aging fratboys well past their prime come in an attempt to relive their drunken youth. The saving grace of the place is the large blackboard behind the bar with an impressive list of imported beers. The bar is crowded with regulars, couples eating barfood, and holiday revelers. SEAN and EARL are enjoying their drinks with a group of COWORKERS when SKANK 1 and SKANK 2 enter the bar and take up positions opposite our heroes. Sean is holding a set of photos taken by the Dandy photographer of Earl and himself.

Orson Welles (V.O.)
The terror you are about to witness is factual. You may want a shower to scrub off this horror.

SKANK 1
(To Sean)
Cute pictures.

Sean
(Uncomfortable)
Thanks.

SKANK 2
Yeah. It's Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

Earl and Sean exchange a look.

SKANK 2
So why you guys here?

SKANK 1
(Irrationally irritated)
This place sucks. This place used to be cool. It sucks now.

Skank 1 burps and then takes a long drag of her cigarette.

SKANK 1
We used to come in here a lot. It used to be the place all the restaurant works came to when they got off. It sucks now.

EARL
Holiday party.

SKANK 1
(To Skank 2)
They were on the Dandy. Those are nice pictures.

Earl and Sean exchange another look.

SKANK 1
We aren't hitting on you. Just making conversation.

SKANK 2
This place sucks. It sucks here.

SKANK 1
I see you guys have rings. That's cute. I have a friend who's a lesbian. And my uncles have been together 22 years or something. How old are you?

EARL
Thirty-seven.

SKANK 1
(Lying; or truly devastated by the ravages of time)
I'm thirty-four.

SKANK 2
(To Skank 1)
This place sucks. Let's go.

SKANK 1
Where you from?

EARL
We live in Silver Spring.

Sean, awkwardly avoids the conversation by watching the football game on the various flatscreens around the bar. He elbows his COWORKER, who turns toward him.

SEAN
Remember at the conference when I had to help rescue Dave... we could use some help here.

COWORKER
(Laughs)
Oh Yeah.

Coworker 1 snickers, winks, and turns back to the rest of the company group, leaving Sean and Earl to escape the skanks on their own. Not a moment too soon, the Ravens score a touchdown, sealing the win against the favored Cowboys. He pumps his fist in triumph.

SKANK 2
You a Dallas fan?

SEAN
No. I'm from Baltimore so I'm rooting for the Ravens.

SKANK 2
So you're not a Dallas fan?

SEAN
(Growing agitated)
I'm only a Dallas fan when they're crushing the Redskins.

SKANK 2
(Insulted)
This place really sucks.
(to Skank 1)
Let's the fuck out of here. This sucks. I hate this place.

Skank 2 puts her beer down on the bar and quickly walks toward the exit, while Skank 1 strangely hugs Earl. Skank 1 then reaches over and hugs Sean... then kisses him twice on the neck before drunkenly, whorishly, licking his neck from shirt collar to earlobe.

SKANK 1
We're going. See you guys.

Skank 1 weaves her way toward the front door as a stunned and thoroughly disgusted Sean turns and shares what just transpired with the group of coworkers still huddled nearby. MUSIC swells as the re-animated Sean tells the tale.

INT. CHADWICK'S - MOMENT'S LATER
Skank 1 and Skank 2 are still hovering by the front door, putting on their coats. Sean, coat on, hurries past them on his way to the men's room. Zoom in until Sean's POV. Over his left shoulder...

SKANK 2
This place fuckin' sucks. We come in here and talk to these two guys and they're the gay. Let's fuckin' go.

FADE OUT.